Showing posts with label multiple sclerosis blogger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label multiple sclerosis blogger. Show all posts

Monday, June 8, 2020

Black People and MS - an interview of learning with Myelin and Melanin Podcast Ladies

this is Eliz. I must offer an apology. I chatted with Dawn and Daana about this subject back in late February, early March. Just as I went to go to share, Covid19 was peaking, and I was starting to advance in my own health journey. So I asked Dawn and Daana if we could pause on release. And then honestly, I forgot about it. Till recent events of racial justice started to have to learn and question again. And then it was like, OMG!! Dawn and Daana! Their insight!! To me, it was just putting off an interview. But what I was putting off was the dignity that is owed to these two beautiful Black ladies' story and MS journeys and their work within this space. They live this life every day - there is no "putting it off" for them. Dawn and Daana, I'm sorry I didnt see that till now. To all my other social media Black friends, I'm sorry I didnt share this sooner. I promise to continue to learn and evolve my perspective. Much love, Eliz




So to start, Dawn, Daana, would you mind telling us a little about your MS health journey?

Dawn: I was diagnosed at the age of 25 with RRMS May 23rd, 2000. My initial symptoms were extreme fatigue, numbness & tingling in my extremities, muscle weakness, Lehermitte’s Sign (electric shock sensation that some MS patients experience when lowering their chin to their chest), and my right leg would constantly drag as I walked.

No one in my family has MS or had a major illness so naturally it was a complete shock when everything began happening. For about 9 years it seemed as if MS remained quiet. Some days I would even ask myself, do I really have this disease? In 2009 after a tremendous amount of stress, I had an exacerbation that completely turned my life upside down. The course of my illness woke me up, if you will and was no longer quiet. It pretty much laughed at me then said I’m here to stay.

Daana: I was diagnosed with RRMS in 2004; my presenting symptom was optic neuritis. I was relatively asymptomatic for about 10 years, but stress and life took a dramatic turn for me.

From there, some of my physical symptoms progressed quite a bit. I walked unassisted until about 2014, and now use a wheelchair full-time. I only bring this up, because people are obsessed with mobility and ambulatory status. It's kind of gross, but…

A side note -- my mother has MS and her sister, my aunt, does as well. My DMTs have ranged from Avonex to Tysabri to LEMTRADA, and now, Ocrevus.

How did you two meet and decide to do your podcast “myelin&melanin”?

We met online! My neurologist and I were discussing a new medication (LEMTRADA). She recommended I join the Lem Facebook group to familiarize myself with others and speak with them about this newer therapy. I believe she noticed the look of terror on my face, which is why she placed emphasis on joining.

I’m glad that I did because Daana and I probably would never know one another. This was my round one, year one LEMTRADA journey (Daana’s year two).

Honestly, I was so reluctant, angry, & scared about this DMT. I would stay up late reading various posts, and I would see Daana’s comments quite a bit. I thought, ok here is a woman that is very similar to me! She’s witty and isn’t afraid to say what’s on her mind! I think there were several posts we commented on and I knew that we were a mini tribe inside of a larger one. I was unaware that she and I were individually documenting our journey.

Then one day I said in an email, “HEY let’s start a podcast.” Daana answered with reluctance and pretty much said, “no I’m NOT ready or interested at the moment.” I understood because when we initially began chatting she asked me not to say anything about MS on her personal page. I respected that and backed away for a year. In late 2017, Daana said, “ok I’m ready”.

As a Black person newly diagnosed with MS, could you find someone who “looked like you”, something we ALL crave? How did that make you feel? Where most is this issue lacking?

Great question! No, I did not see anyone that looked like me when I was diagnosed. The only people I noticed were Richard Pryor and Montel Williams. Two black men that seemed far removed from the things I faced. The lack of representation made me feel terribly lonely. Of course no one intentionally set out to isolate this young black girl with MS, however, this is exactly how I felt.

Eventually I joined an MS Society support group and met women that “looked like me” but were older and further along in their disease. But again, this was 2000; the method of communicating was quite different. Being able to connect with others in my age group seemed like a dream. Honestly, I didn’t meet a black woman in my age group until two years after my diagnosis.

Dawn and I were diagnosed with MS a long time ago (in the age of ABC drugs) -- way before social media really became "a thing". That being said, there was essentially no Black representation of people with MS. There was Richard Pryor (who wasn't really visible in the MS community) and then we have "the default" -- Montel Williams (that's another story; I think the lack of representation especially as it relates to black men with MS is what inspired us to do our "Beyond Montel: Black Men and MS" series last season 2). So no, there was no place that you could really look and find people who look like us with MS community. Especially as Black women in our early 20s.

While representation is still severely and painfully limited I think the representation of Black people that we do see are people who are relatively new and their diagnoses, and whose diseases are relatively quiet. That can be problematic, because it silences the voices of people who have stories that might be scary or not is palatable to people. We need to be acknowledging the stories of all Black people with MS -- not just people who make you less fearful of the disease. We all have stories to tell. Our lives are just as dope.

Can you speak on the discrepancies in research for Black Persons with MS?
We talked a little bit about this with Dr. Mitzi Joi Williams in episode 49 of our podcast, but I think it's really important to focus on research specifically relating to African-Americans, as we're the demographic being diagnosed at the highest rate, proportionally here in the US. But, it's also important that researchers acknowledge the fact that Black people in the United States have a very precarious and complicated history with the medical profession as it relates to research; this needs to be acknowledged. This may play a part in influencing participation. We had a really interesting conversation with Lauren and Victoria from "We Are Ill" about this issue in Episode 62 of our podcast (which starts streaming at the end of this month).



go listen to their podcast!!! found here: http://myelinandmelanin.com/podcast/


What needs to happen for the future to be more inclusive? Where/how do we start?
In order for the MS community, or for the future to be more inclusive, I think it is important for people to consciously seek out stories that are more diverse. We live in a euro normative society so it's important that we are intentional about the stories that we seek out.

People should not avoid listening to stories that might make them feel uncomfortable. Whether it be people who have different life experiences, people who look different, or people at a level of disability than you -- levels that makes you uncomfortable. It important to listen to all stories.

I think that it is important to be aware the fact that Black people are not a monolith. A lot of time, the representation that we do see is very limited. It's important that we acknowledge, represent and amplify the stories of Black people at all stages of MS -- people who symptoms are invisible all the way to people whose symptoms can no longer be hidden (which can elicit fear, and that are not palatable to some people). We all have stories to tell. Our stories are dope.

What's 3 things that MS Organizations, such as the NMSS, can do to help this issue in the community?
First, I think it's important to have open honest and frank discussions about race, racism, and representation--no matter how uncomfortable that might make people.

Secondly, I think that organizations need to be conscious about avoiding tokenism. Lately in the "inclusive" (albeit limited) MS literature/marketing, we see the same Black faces. They almost serve as tokens in the Black MS community; that's problematic. Organizations need to be more intentional about seeking out different people (within the MS community) dealing with MS. Especially people whose stories might be complicated and complex (not just the newly diagnosed with invisible symptoms). Black people with MS are not a monolith.

Additionally, we feel that in order to better understand our point of view, collaborative efforts should be put in place. Being able to communicate our efforts on this journey, accomplishments, and personal stories are equally as important to the community. Continuous open dialogue (with a diverse group of Black MSers) would certainly open the door and provide a pathway towards inclusion. Also, Black MS does not begin and end in February (Black history month) – our stories should be amplified ALL YEAR.

What is something that people with MS should take away from all this?
We appreciate having this conversation, and feel there are many positive takeaways that will come from this conversation.

It’s important that MS organizations along with the community collaborate with Black voices that are often unheard. Also, actively seeking out the stories of black people with MS is beneficial to the community. It brings us together and displays a united front. We are in this fight and we too, which brings us to our final takeaway; inclusion.



You can follow Dawn and Daana on instagram @myelinemelanin and their webpage is: http://myelinandmelanin.com/podcast/

Friday, February 14, 2020

MS and Relationships

(I wrote this in November 2018 for a third party...re-posting here for valentines day because it still holds true.)

I had had Multiple Sclerosis for 6 months.  It was a hard 6 months, with months of hospital stays and relearning how to walk, talk, use my hands/arms, and navigating a new life.  We all needed a break.

My brothers, dad, and long-time boyfriend had decided to ride the Bike MS: City to Shore ride, that went from Philadelphia area to my childhood home town of Ocean City NJ.  It was a true expression of love as they were to ride over 100 miles in my honor and fight with MS.  

It was a blast of a week and a joyous occasion.  And yet, it also was a realization that I was not getting better - that this MS thing was big, and life consuming. It was a realization of what now was to be real life. And that Sunday, one of the main men in my life, my boyfriend, realized it was just too much and left.  This man, whom I had committed myself to making a life with, someone who I had built a future with, drove away that weekend without me. 

I couldn't blame him, and I still don't today.  Because he fell in love with the career driven, power house of a boss babe.  I wasn’t that girl anymore. I had retired from my career, I was a power house but in overcoming hospital stays not boardrooms, and I literally had to depend on someone for everything.  MS had poisoned what we once had. He left saying “no one will love you as much as I do”. And I believed him because I knew his love for my ran deep; but apparently, not MS deep. 

How do you come out of that?  How do you have the one person that knows everything about you to your core, walk away because of what life has brought upon you, and survive?  

For me, I had to refind my worth.  I spent a long journey finding out who this new me was.  And I had to love this new me: because if I couldn’t love me, then I couldn’t expect anyone else to.  

Once I felt confident and settled in my relationship with myself, and knew what I brought to the table, I decided to give dating a try.  Dating in today’s world is like, an adventure. I was living in a city where I didnt know anyone.  Social life dating was not really an option in meeting someone. So, online dating. Cute right? Ugh. Online dating is hard enough. But when you have a visible disability, it’s even more intense. 

Do I show a picture with the mobility device?  Do I put it last in my pictures? Do I mention it? Do I not say anything and surprise them at first date? Do I tell them after we set up the date?  

There’s a lot to consider.  And I did it all. Mostly as an experiment to see what would be the most engaging.  My research was inclusive. And, let me just say, there are a lot of rude and weird people out there. 

Then there were some good ones too.  One personally that I started a relationship with while I was full time in the wheelchair and undergoing chemotherapy like treatments.  He even survived an unplanned surgery. But our lives were too different to grow anything substantial and I think personally, that’s what made it work.  I didn’t have to ask the question: can you do MS for life? Because I knew there wasn’t a shot at life.  

I dated with decisiveness.  There were no games; I had no energy for games.  I was upfront, I was me, and I didnt play by the rules.  And perhaps that turned off some potentials but it also saved me from kissing a lot of frogs. 

Eventually, I got to the point where I decided I needed to just calm, it, down.  I shut down all my dating apps. I stopped looking for love in a man and instead, just started living.  I started traveling, I started recumbent cycling, I started living a full life just for me.  

And when I saw my future, I saw it with just me.  Not because I thought I didn’t deserve a relationship; but more because, if I'm being honest, I was still bruised from that experience of being told I love you, but not with MS.  I was happily single, but in twisted sort of way.  

This was my mistake: something that I hope by sharing, others can relate to and learn from.  Because telling yourself you are not worthy of love with MS is such nonsense. You are worthy of love NO MATTER WHAT!!  No matter what chronic disease, no matter what scars, no matter what disability. Sure, the dating world may be a little bit more difficult to maneuver.  But you are worthy of love. 

I worked through this myself.  I started to see that MS didnt matter when it came to loving me; what mattered was who I was as a person, how much I loved, what kind of partner I was.  MS was just a thing about me. Granted, a BIG thing, but it wasn’t fully me.  

One June, I was in a wedding.  I was a bridesmaid to one of my childhood friend’s.  That’s where I met him: he was the best man. We had met the summer before but that night, the night of the wedding, it was something out of a fairy tale, if you believe in those.  We exchanged numbers (and really, if I can be cheesy, we exchanged hearts) and we have talked and been together every day since.  

This man only knows the MS me: and he loves it.  Not just like “I love you” loves it, but supports it, engages it, and honestly, if I can gloat a bit, is almost in awe of it.  He sees my power, he sees my strength, and he sees my gifts. He supports me, both in my health endeavors and basic life endeavors, and yet doesn’t treat me like a patient.  He just treats me like me.  

The first time I asked him, “are you ok with a life with MS”, his response was simple “if it’s with you, why wouldn’t I be?”.  MS was always part of that package and he signed up for all of it.  

Dating someone with a chronic disease like Multiple Sclerosis isn’t always a breeze; it’s unique.  We both know that I’m going to need more special assistance. We both know that I’m going to require more adaptations and flexibility.  And yet, we both know that I can provide him with the emotional support and strength he may require. We both know that I can make him laugh.  We both know that no matter what the day brings, good or bad, our favorite thing to do is just to be together. And this can be done on even the worst day or the best day: we can be together.  

In October of this year, my love asked me to be his forever coffee date.  We are planning our next chapter of our love story now, a wedding in 2019, and it’s all beautiful.  All the past relationships: the good, the bad, the ugly, the really ugly...they all led me to this. They all led me to him.  And it is good.



Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Shit Just Got Real!!!

We got Married!!!!



It was such an amazing weekend and I'm so excited to give a little update.  

So Kris and I got engaged in October.  We didnt really plan on having a "short"engagement - but it's how it worked out.  When I came to both him and my mom and asked if we could pull off a wedding in less than 5 months, they just smiled and said "whatever you want babes" (ok lying my mom panicked).  

But we did it!!!

Just a comment on the short engagement (as I've received some comments -  no I'm not pregnant) - you can do WHATEVER time engagement you want!  If you want long, if you want short, if you want traditional, if you want elopement, do you!!  It doesnt matter.  What matters is that you are intentional and marrying someone you want to love forever.  The rest are literally just details. 

Ok, so now we're engaged, now we've set a date, now we have to make it MS friendly.

We decided on spreading it out - doing a two day event.  Friday would be the ceremony (intimate with family and close friends) and Saturday would be an evening reception (a partay).  

And that's what we did!

So first, we have some details:

Save the Dates (from Zazzle)



And the wedding website


We didnt have a traditional rehearsal as most of the wedding party was coming in from out of town (actually most all of our guests are coming in from out of town - like 80%).  So we did a small rehearsal at the church, people chilled for a bit (I took a nap), and then we went to Spoonwood Brewery with those in town for a fun dinner and beer.



As you can tell from the picture I was VERY excited. (:  

Friday morning came real quick - our ceremony was at 11am so we had just a few hours to get ready (if you've been in a wedding you know those hours go fast!).  But it was so enjoyable and chill.  Everything was chill overall but those few hours before the ceremony I will cherish as being so calm and chill.  Shout-out to my ladies for that vibe!!


 Picture credit: https://ryanzarichnak.com/

The ceremony was at my family's Catholic Church in Pittsburgh.  We had just the ceremony and we made it very adaptive friendly (I came from the side, we sat for most of it, etc).  It flew by but I do remember the highlights - I remember Kris smiling bigger than Id ever seen, him squeezing my hand, me almost losing it at the "in sickness and in health part", and me doing like a little wiggle celebration when we got the official "husband and wife".



After we did pictures with family and the wedding party at a friends house.  Our photographer was AMAZING! Love him, Ryan Zarichnak.  Cant wait to share those!


 Our wedding party included: Girls: Courtney (matron of honor and my sister), Regina, (maid of honor and best friend), Kari (Kris' sister), Katie (future sister in law), Bethany (best friend), Mary (best friend).  Dudes: Jordan (best man), Jon (Kris' brother in law), Tim (my brother), Connor (my brother), Kevin (my brother), John (my brother).  

Then we had a luncheon at my parent's house.  My mom did such an amazing job hosting and preparing the food.  All I heard was how great the food was and I'm like, I know. (:

The best part of this arrangement is that we had scheduled NAP TIME!!!  We were done with wedding obligations by 3pm on Friday.  I was in bed and didnt leave till we woke up Saturday.  Best decision ever!!!

Saturday was PARTAY time!!!  Again, we had time to relax and chill and visit before getting ready.  I will cherish this time too.  My best friend Zach did my hair and while doing it some of my favorite people just stopped by and said hi and sat with me.  It was lovely.  I had to do NOTHING which is just what I needed.



The reception's theme was glitz and sparkle, with the colors black and gold sparkle.  My mom did all the decorations, favors, centerpieces...and she delivered!!  Literally, thank you mom!  Saturday was just lovely.  One of my favorite parts was my dress (it was sparkle heaven!!!) and then partying with all our family and friends.



The food was delicious (PW catering) and the DJ's (2nd II None) - I could never speak enough about them.  They led a party and it was fabulous!!  

Oh and let's not forget about the cookie table - a very strong Pittsburgh tradition.  Basically all the neighbors/family/friends bring cookies and the are displayed on a table.  To go boxes are provided and guests can snack on them there and take some home for leftovers/breakfast.  It's an amazing tradition and we had QUITE a lot of cookies!



We also had soft pretzels delivered halfway through the evening (soft pretzels are my favorite and what better way to have a snack?)

Oh the whole thing was just lovely.  This is just the speed by review - when we get the photos I'll provide more details.  Because I just know the photo's are going to be amazing!!



The moral though of this whole thing is that love is beautiful, you can have a beautiful wedding with multiple sclerosis, and you can do your wedding any way you want!!!  



Thank you all for your support and love, we so appreciate the love!!!  

Sunday, October 14, 2018

IVIG and MS - Plasma for one

I recently had an IVIG infusion and got a lot of questions about what IVIG is and how it is used in relation to Multiple Sclerosis.

Great questions. 

I'm not entirely savvy on IVIG usage medically, but I can give a non-technical little overview.  With the help of google and some medical documents of course.

So first, why we choose to use IVIG.  In my DMD history I've used Rebif, Tysabri, Tecfidera, and Rituxan.  I have also used Plasmapheresis as a treatment.  Rituxan was my latest DMD and I really did give it a good try.  My body has a hard time with all drugs but rituxan, damn, it was brutal.  Quality of life was not worth it.  And, we couldnt confirm if it was or was not working.  It was an easy decision for me to be like "no thank you, no more".

I went with no DMD medicine or treatments for 10 months and though I wouldve loved to go further, my doctors advised me to consider a treatment.  I agreed.


I received IVIG at my MS clinic's infusion center at a hospital in downtown Pittsburgh.  The nurses were fabulous and got a IV line in one try. I love nurses!

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

My Advice for Those Living With Multiple Sclerosis

Back in June I worked with Healthline to film a few videos.  One of the videos we did was my advice to those living with multiple sclerosis, especially those recently diagnosed.

This is the finished product.



Click here for final video.


Monday, September 24, 2018

My Teeth be Shining! - Smile Brilliant Collaboration

Use code thesparkledlife to receive 15% off!!

Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 6 years ago, I have found a new appreciation for my teeth.



Why?

Because they are the ONLY part of my body that is still working, functioning, and looking babe. (:

So I take good care of my teeth.  Whitening my teeth has always been something I've done before a big event or just to give myself a little self-care love.  I've used teeth whitening gels from CVS and more often, crests whitening strips - both of which I loved. 

However, they couldnt get all my teeth.  My teeth are very "smushed" and I want every nook and cranny of my teeth to me the same-ish color.  I dont ask for much. (:

So when Smile Brilliant reached out to me for a collaboration, I was 100% on board.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Ice Ice Baby - Koldtec Cold Towel

(for the month of August, Koldtec (https://www.koldtec.com/) has given me a promo code for friends and family - SPARKLE16 - for $10 off, an extra strip of ice (worth $6), and free shipping Canada and USA)



So with Multiple Sclerosis, heat is no bueno.  Absolutely not good.  It's called Uhthoff's Phenomenon (please dont ask for how to pronounce that word) and it's something that we learn how to manage quickly.

Uhthoff's Phenomenon is when someone with MS overheats; the overheating then causes a worsening of symptoms.  It literally just feels like your body is shutting down; my vision goes, my legs go, my arms go, my speech goes.  It takes a few hours to a few days to rest and recover.  It's a bitch.

There are a few ways to prevent this: stay inside (: or stay cool.  I like more the stay cool techniques as I love summer and being outside.  So for six years I have lived off of ice packs, usually being as classy as can be and stuffing them down my pants and up my shirts.

Then, I met the company Koldtec (https://www.koldtec.com/).  We connected over instagram - they noticed my love for ice and I noticed they had ice.  Oh baby.



Thursday, July 12, 2018

Medical ID bracelet - but like it's cute

When I was first diagnosed, part of my discharge packet was being told to get a medical ID bracelet.  I googled.  I hated.  I ignored.  Sorry, but life is too short to wear ugly bracelets.

Then I met American Medical ID.  And basically fell in love because ALL of their products are actually "cute" and didnt stand out as a "hey Im sick here's who to call" bracelet.



Tuesday, July 10, 2018

CBD Oil Be Lit

CBD oil is kind of the craze right now.  For a white I was skeptical, mostly because I saw SO many network marketing companies selling these products on instagram.  And of course I researched like heck and read so many places that these items were often diluted or didnt have cbd oil in them at all.

I stayed away.

And then a while ago I was introduced to Joel and Theramu.  He sent me some cbd products at kind of the best time to try them - I was have a MS hug flare that just was sticking around for weeks.  I was desperate so figured what the hell.

Damn it - they provided relief.


Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Pittsburgh Marathon 2018

So a few months ago I heard about the opportunity to partake in the Pittsburgh Marathon hand-cycling division in a recumbent bicycle.  I had to get a lot of notes from doctors and petition the board but they granted me access!!!




But why cycle the Pittsburgh Marathon?  Because MS says I cant run.  "Tell me I cant and I'll show you I can".  I cant RUN a marathon but I sure as well can CYCLE a marathon.

Picture by Empty Nest Photography Studio

So thats what I did. (:

Two weeks before the marathon, the local news station did an interview with me and named me "Athlete of the Week" which was pretty awesome.


To watch, visit here: http://www.wtae.com/article/action-athlete-cycling-the-pittsburgh-marathon/20090659

Leading up to the marathon I ended up with a kidney infection and overheating.  I was so nervous that all my hard work in prepping for this event would be for not.

But I finished that marathon.  And, even more fun, came in first in the female wheeler division. (:



Despite limitations, living limitlessly over here!!




LOVE!!

Saturday, March 17, 2018

How I Stay Positive

I get asked often how I remain so positive.

To which I used to answer, with all sincerity: I just do!



It wasn’t till lately when someone challenged me with the question: 


what are the actual steps you take to remain positive? 


that I saw there were actual, distinctive things I do to remain positive.

First and foremost: I honestly believe the best medicine you can give your body is a good mood. And science thinks so too. Thinking positive thoughts in your head releases certain hormones that relax your bod and equip it for stress.

A firsthand example of this was when I had my bicycle accident. As soon as I landed I knew I’d broken my elbow and could see my humerous bent oddly and pointing out. I panicked. Someone called the ambulance. Someone else took care of my bicycle. There was a Mom with her kid. For some reason seeing that kid brought things in focus for me.  I cant say bad words in front of this kid (this was after I let a lot of f words slip).  I cant let this kid, staring at me terrified, see me cry.  I reminded myself I needed to stay calm, to focus on something good. I started repeating to myself, "I’m going to be ok. I’m going to be ok".  Outloud. And I believed it. So much so that by the time the ambulance got there, my blood pressure was in normal ranges. The EMT was quite impressed.




So, positive thoughts = good.


But how do you run to them easily when the going gets tough?

Training. Just like with anything, it takes time, persistence, and dedication.

Step 1. You’ve decided to adapt a positive lifestyle and mind and remain positive when the going gets tough. You have to want it.  You have to be willing to work for it.

Step 2. Remind yourself of this. Write phrases that remind you on postits and put it where you'll see it many times a day. Change the background of your phone to a positive phrased wallpaper. In those moments you become overwhelmed, you’ll see these reminders and then you’ll go back to step 1: decide to remain positive.

Step 3. Have a go to positive uplifter. For me, it’s puppies. Whenever I’ve had a rough moment where I just don’t want to be positive, I go to the puppies. Either in real life or on instagram / Pinterest. This is an immediate mood lifter. I then see one of my reminders, and then I’m back at step 1.



Step 4: gratitude list. Make a list of all the things you’re thankful for. Keep it within arm’s access. Go to it to add to and remind yourself often. Yes, mine has the basics: faith, family, friends, puppies. But it also has Starbucks. And pizza. And cycling. And the color rose gold. And Paris. And pool days. And so on and so on. It’s a beautiful list of all the things I’m surrounded with that are positive.

Step 5. Reward yourself. Every year on my anniversary with MS, I get myself a present. Something small (an engraved ring) to something big (my hope tattoo), it’s a reward. A reward for making it through the past year with a positive mind. It’s not always easy to do; some days, it’s REALLY hard. But rewarding yourself reminds your brain and your soul, you’re doing great, keep it up.



Step 6. Condition. It helps to have a friend in this stage, or a coach. For me, it was someone I was close to when I was newly diagnosed. Whenever I’d start weeping or complaining, he’d point out a positive lining. It was REALLY annoying. It caused many fights. Why couldn’t he just let me be sad? Then slowly I started to listen. I started to recognize the good. I then went from recognizing to LOOKING for it. And, in every situation, to this day, I’ve been able to find it, to find something good, positive. Even if it’s just me being able to breath: that's positive; I’m alive. 

You have to work the brain muscle and condition it to this type of programming. With time, it will eventually become so instinctive, you won’t even have to think. You just go there. You just are positive.


All this sounds good and attainable.  But what about on those really bad days?  The days where the light is dim and the positive light is dimmer.  What then?


  • No “triggers”. First you have to determine what the triggers are. For me, it’s Facebook (all my friends are living life without me!), dramatic shows/books/movies, depressing music. These melt me in to a state. This also relates to what I surround myself with socially: on media and in real life.  Some people may be a trigger for you in some way (I really dislike the word trigger but here it is applicable).  And for whatever reason it is, maybe just take a break for a bit.  It can also be that someone is continually negative- when you're trying your best to be the opposite, their energy can be depleting.  As has become a very strong saying between my bestie and I, "bless and release".  
  • Quiet. On bad days, I’m very quiet. This usually is because on bad days my speech isn’t working.  (: But also it’s to save energy. I put that saved energy in to healing my body from the hard day.
  • Have a cry. Or reschedule. If necessary, I’ll have a little cry. Just a little one. And then I’m done. If I feel like I need to cry more, I’ll “schedule” it for another time (no joke). I’ll save it for, say, 9pm that night. By pushing it out, I give myself time to find something positive that will outshine that sad moment. If I need to cry though, it’s scheduled, just in case.
  • Make a list. You don’t have to be productive to trick your brain in to thinking it is. If my mind is overwhelmed with thoughts, I’ll make a list of them. Done. They’re on paper/in my iPhone notes. No longer in my brain. Sounds silly but this works; my phone has so many lists on it it's probably quite obsurd.  The cool thing about this, when looking back retrospectively at "bad day lists" of what I'm anxious/worried about, these things I thought were so challenging, I've overcome.  
  • Change the clothes. Even if it’s just switching from pjs to a different pair of pjs, I change. This is important in keeping respect for your body. Showering is just too damn hard some days but changing clothes is attainable. It gives me a little reminder I’m not giving up on my body, I believe in myself enough to change in to clean pjs.
  • Talk to your go to. And don’t talk about your disease outside of “I’m having a bad day” and maybe a bit on what that means for you in that moment. Get lost in the conversation. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes, you contributed to society. You let your mind focus on someone else. You got distracted.

These steps help me to calm my body down. 

And then, I return to the basics:

Deep breath. Quick prayer. Can I be positive and look at puppies? Nope, still a bad day. Ok.

2 hours later: deep breath. Quick prayer. Positive time? Maybe. Ok.

3 hours later: deep breath. Quick prayer. Brain goes back to conditioned mind. I see a post it. Is that a puppy video? Omg puppies are so cute. Ok. Not every day is good but there’s good in every day. Tomorrow will be better. Good night.



Then there are the quick moments: your doctor just gave you bad news. You have to drive home but can’t stop crying. You just want to crawl in a hole. What do I do?

Breath.
Do a body scan.
Head. Shoulders. Back. Hips. Legs. Arms. Am I contracting those muscles? Release. Contract. Release.
Breath.

Look at you- you just took your mind off the bad for a few minutes. You’re going to be ok. Repeat that over with a deep breath in between each movement. You’ve got this.



All this might sound ridiculous. And even while writing it out, I thought “really Eliz?! This is what you want to share? How you schedule your cries?!”

Damn right it is.
Because this is my recipe.

I’ve had some terrible things thrown at me. And yet I still wake up every day happy. Because why not? I’m alive. I’m beautiful. I’m breathing. I have puppies. I have God. I have my family and friends. I have Paris. And I have Starbucks.

Life is good.




Something I want to note is depression and MS have a very strong connection. If you’re feeling like you can’t think of a positive thought no matter how hard you try, seek counseling. Talk to your doctor. It does not mean you’re weak. Ms causes brain damage through demylization and sometimes that can cause depression. Reach out.

Monday, February 5, 2018

January - Year of Health 2018



After a rough December recovering from my latest rituxan (immunosuppressant chemo) treatment, I gladly decided to declare 2018

THE YEAR OF HEALTH


This is kind of ironic being that I dont necessarily have a solid track record of "being healthy".  I have a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis and secondary Parkinson's disease that are a daily battle. Then days that I do fall under the "good, I feel normal" category, I fracture a bone or break my neck or smash my face or do something else completely unrelated that sends me to the doctors.  It's very comedic. And the humor of declaring a whole year dedicated to breaking this track record has not been lost on me.

But, we're one month down and completed!! 

January has always been a harder than normal month; recovering from the holidays, it's freezing cold, it's slippery (aka hell for those with walking adaption equipment), and it's also super long. 

On top of this, this January I was still recovering from the chemo treatment, as well as my gma passed away (love you gma!  She always loved this blog so a big shout out to her!)



And yet, to repeat: one month down and completed!! YES!!

How do I feel overall?  Decently good. (:  This was one of my better January's since being diagnosed in 2012.  I'll take it!

Here are some highlights from my favorite highs and lows: 

NUTRITION


Green Juice


It's a health trick that if you are suffering from some constipation backup, one of the best ways to handle it is to drink a green smoothie.  The mix of the fiber and the water soluble ingredients makes a great mix for helping to get you on the toilet.

Constipation is a real reality for people who have MS.  It's also something I feel like people are too embarrassed to discuss.  I am not one of those people.  (:  I enjoy talking about poop and making sure that myself and my loved ones are staying regular because it's a very vital part of keeping a healthy body.

So in honor of staying regular, I started using this green juice supplement every day.  And guess what?  Ive been so regular that I dont see myself never not using this!!  (I apologize if you're cringing at this TMI.  But like, everyone poops right?).

You mix this with a cup of water and tada- you have a green juice that's so nutritionally packed!  So convenient and easy (both fabulous things).


Vitamins

I take a packet of daily vitamins that have everything you could want in them.  They also are very wonderfully made and dont make you feel nauseous after (I've had that happen to many other brands).  

Here's all they contain:



 I love that they are packaged together because again, convenient and easy.

In addition to these multi-vitamin packs, I take magnesium, milk thistle, and l-lysine.  Magnesium is great for bone health, l-lysine is great for helping the skin and immune system, and milk thistle is fabulous for overall liver health.

I also take a packet of adaptogens daily, sometimes twice.  Adaptogens are natural herbs that are thought to help the body to deal with stress, such as lowering certain hormone levels.  Any kind of stress puts me at risk of causing an influx in MS symptoms so I naturally try to keep stress at an all time low on the regular.  These help to regulate what goes on inside my body.  They also help a lot after a steroid stretch.  

Vitamin fail

I'd taken Valerian root in the past and was really a fan of it.  So I decided to incorporate in my daily schedule again, taking at night with my nighttime meds.  I tracked my daily fatigue and energy levels daily and noticed a trend: on the nights I took Valerian root, I was extremely fatigued the next day and would take a nap.  As much as I love naps, I try to steer clear of them as they interrupt my nighttime routine.  So I stopped taking valerian root because of this. 

However, if you do struggle with insomnia or nighttime restlessness, I would suggest *trying* this but take good notes on how you feel the next day.

Diet

Protein shakes are everywhere!!  It makes sense as protein helps build our muscles and we want our muscles to be cool and lovely; so taking extra steps to nutritionally help them is a plus.  But I've learned you have to be careful of certain protein powders; many are filled with bad ingredients and in some cases, just pure saw dust as filler.  Ew. 

I love isagenix protein shakes and have at least one every day.  It makes me feel like superwoman because they not only taste fabulous, but they make me feel amazing.  I swear by them.  The ones I use are dairy and gluten free.  I dont really have that much of a gluten intolerance but dairy yes.  Because I'm lazy fatigued, I use a shaker bottle and they blend very nicely!

If you've read anything on nutrition the past few months/years, you've probably read about the trend of intermittent fasting.  This month I did a few full days of intermittent fasting (with nutrition products to help keep myself balanced throughout the day) and for the month of February I plan on following a 16:8 IF plan.  

I could tell you all about the benefits of intermittent fasting but my bestie actually wrote an e-book on the topic so I'll let her tell you all about it.  You can find the book here (<<click the link).

Personally I can attest to how wonderful IF has been for me in helping to rid myself of toxins and to help with liver health.  With the medicine that I take and infusions I've had, it's important to help the body in the release process.  IF helps so much with that!

Massage

Massage has been a constant theme during these past few years.  I love massages for the benefit of relaxing my muscles that are usually so tight from contracting and spasms.  

I started going back to getting massages every week.  I go to massage envy and would suggest it only if you can find a therapist that works with you.  Otherwise I'm not the biggest fan of the company; but I LOVE my therapist so I go. (:

I feel like massage would be most beneficial if you went every other day but this is such an expense I dont think I could ever explore that as an option.  Once a week already seems luxurious and the benefits of the massage only lasts at most 48 hours.  However, a little bit of relief for 48 hours is worth continuing.

HEALTH FAIL

I almost deleted this part because it's so unflattering.  But it's important to remember to always spot check your products and that not every granola/crunchy item is for everyone.  
I take great care of my skin.  Because I dont wear makeup on a daily basis (not because I dont want to but more because I'm conserving energy), I want my skin to look beautiful naked.  I use high quality products, I do weekly masks and always wash my face before bed.  My face is my favorite.

One night I decided to try Vitamin E oil as a moisturizer.  I had heard it's great for skin in the winter because it helps to keep dry skin at bay, plus its organic and natural (the brand I used was from trader joes).

I slathered Vitamin E oil all over my face.  I noticed that my lips and cheeks went numb but just told myself that was the multiple sclerosis and didnt think twice about it.

Until 45 minutes later when my whole face started to BURN. Immediately I washed my face, and when I looked up at the mirror I realized my face had broken out in hives.  These hives eventually scabbed over, and then bruised. 

It's been more than two weeks and my face still has bruise marks on my forehead.  Something so small and yet so sad because the whole process probably aged my face by three years.  Plus it hurt like hell and itched like crazy (I eventually made an appointment with my dermatologist and got some high powered steroid cream to help.)  I now am uber careful on not putting anything with vitamin e in it (which basically my whole beauty process has) and have taken great steps to calm the inflammation down.  It'll get better...right?!

Good news is that with a little make-up it looks normal-ish.  (:







So that was January in the highs and lows.  I cant really complain; it was a pretty good month.  I feel like the health steps I took were small ones but I'm proud I stayed consistent.

For the month of February I will be focusing on three areas:

  • Intermittant fasting 16:8
  • Bicycling training (started in January but more effective in February)
  • Draining the Lymphatic system (I'm really excited about this and cant wait to share!!)


(unrelated to health but we all love a good recommendation!)
Things I enjoyed this month:
Movies: Mudbound (Netflix original)
TV shows: Grace and Frankie (Netflix), Madam Secretary


Hope you had a lovely January and here's to a great (and short!!) February!

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

MRI's - tips and tricks for the chamber

MRI - a torture chamber for multiple sclerosis patients.

Just kidding.  Kind of.

Technically, a MRI is a chamber tube that uses magnetic fields and radio waves to develop a picture of a human's insides.  MRI's of the brain, cervical spine, and thoracic spine (brain, neck and back) are taken at various times with MS patients to look specifically at the central nervous system.  For those with MS, MRI's will show white spots that indicate a lesion.  These white spots, lesions, are places of the nervous system that have been damaged.  (Basically....)




MRI's are not only used as a diagnostic tool for multiple sclerosis, but also as a tool to determine the progression of the disease.  If a patient is presenting new or increased symptoms, a MRI will usually be ordered to determine if there is activity present.  

Here's how the MRI actually works:

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

"OMGGGGGG" - a new post

OMGGGGG

The sparkled life blog is back!

But wait...didnt I swear off writing and blog posts February 2016?  Isnt the previous post titled "the last post"? Are we trying to make blog writing happen again?

Yes, to all the above.  

I had sworn of writing on the sparkled life.  Why?  It got too difficult.  I needed a break.  My finger muscles contract making typing difficult.  I didnt want to be known as the "the girl with MS".  I felt I had nothing more to say.  And on and on and on. 

Recently I was at my neurologist where there was a new patient, a woman my age.  She didnt look scared but she did look overwhelmed.  It took me back to when I was first diagnosed and how I had wished I had someone to tell me it was all going to be ok.  

That's why I started this blog in the first place - because I had searched for someone, anyone, with a "story like mine" and couldnt find one.  All I could find on MS were stories from people with less hard symptoms like a numb thumb (any symptom is challenging but where were the people who could no longer walk/talk/use their arms?!?!?) or kids with info on how they "healed" their ms with witchery.  

So, I thought, "hell, I'll write the story".  

That was a while ago.  And I had forgotten that flame, that ambition, until I saw this girl the other day.  I so wanted to go up to her and tell her its going to be ok, that she was going to get through this, that it was going to hurt, it was going to be a bitch, but she was strong and was going to make it. 

Butttttt you cant really do that in doctors offices.  

Instead, that fire ignited in me again.  I thought about all the lessons and mistakes I've gained in the past 5 years since diagnosis and how they just might be able to help others.  And maybe, that girl will get a random facebook message from her aunt with a link to this blog.  And she'll be comforted that shes not alone.  

And that's why Im back.  (: