Showing posts with label national ms society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label national ms society. Show all posts

Monday, June 8, 2020

Black People and MS - an interview of learning with Myelin and Melanin Podcast Ladies

this is Eliz. I must offer an apology. I chatted with Dawn and Daana about this subject back in late February, early March. Just as I went to go to share, Covid19 was peaking, and I was starting to advance in my own health journey. So I asked Dawn and Daana if we could pause on release. And then honestly, I forgot about it. Till recent events of racial justice started to have to learn and question again. And then it was like, OMG!! Dawn and Daana! Their insight!! To me, it was just putting off an interview. But what I was putting off was the dignity that is owed to these two beautiful Black ladies' story and MS journeys and their work within this space. They live this life every day - there is no "putting it off" for them. Dawn and Daana, I'm sorry I didnt see that till now. To all my other social media Black friends, I'm sorry I didnt share this sooner. I promise to continue to learn and evolve my perspective. Much love, Eliz




So to start, Dawn, Daana, would you mind telling us a little about your MS health journey?

Dawn: I was diagnosed at the age of 25 with RRMS May 23rd, 2000. My initial symptoms were extreme fatigue, numbness & tingling in my extremities, muscle weakness, Lehermitte’s Sign (electric shock sensation that some MS patients experience when lowering their chin to their chest), and my right leg would constantly drag as I walked.

No one in my family has MS or had a major illness so naturally it was a complete shock when everything began happening. For about 9 years it seemed as if MS remained quiet. Some days I would even ask myself, do I really have this disease? In 2009 after a tremendous amount of stress, I had an exacerbation that completely turned my life upside down. The course of my illness woke me up, if you will and was no longer quiet. It pretty much laughed at me then said I’m here to stay.

Daana: I was diagnosed with RRMS in 2004; my presenting symptom was optic neuritis. I was relatively asymptomatic for about 10 years, but stress and life took a dramatic turn for me.

From there, some of my physical symptoms progressed quite a bit. I walked unassisted until about 2014, and now use a wheelchair full-time. I only bring this up, because people are obsessed with mobility and ambulatory status. It's kind of gross, but…

A side note -- my mother has MS and her sister, my aunt, does as well. My DMTs have ranged from Avonex to Tysabri to LEMTRADA, and now, Ocrevus.

How did you two meet and decide to do your podcast “myelin&melanin”?

We met online! My neurologist and I were discussing a new medication (LEMTRADA). She recommended I join the Lem Facebook group to familiarize myself with others and speak with them about this newer therapy. I believe she noticed the look of terror on my face, which is why she placed emphasis on joining.

I’m glad that I did because Daana and I probably would never know one another. This was my round one, year one LEMTRADA journey (Daana’s year two).

Honestly, I was so reluctant, angry, & scared about this DMT. I would stay up late reading various posts, and I would see Daana’s comments quite a bit. I thought, ok here is a woman that is very similar to me! She’s witty and isn’t afraid to say what’s on her mind! I think there were several posts we commented on and I knew that we were a mini tribe inside of a larger one. I was unaware that she and I were individually documenting our journey.

Then one day I said in an email, “HEY let’s start a podcast.” Daana answered with reluctance and pretty much said, “no I’m NOT ready or interested at the moment.” I understood because when we initially began chatting she asked me not to say anything about MS on her personal page. I respected that and backed away for a year. In late 2017, Daana said, “ok I’m ready”.

As a Black person newly diagnosed with MS, could you find someone who “looked like you”, something we ALL crave? How did that make you feel? Where most is this issue lacking?

Great question! No, I did not see anyone that looked like me when I was diagnosed. The only people I noticed were Richard Pryor and Montel Williams. Two black men that seemed far removed from the things I faced. The lack of representation made me feel terribly lonely. Of course no one intentionally set out to isolate this young black girl with MS, however, this is exactly how I felt.

Eventually I joined an MS Society support group and met women that “looked like me” but were older and further along in their disease. But again, this was 2000; the method of communicating was quite different. Being able to connect with others in my age group seemed like a dream. Honestly, I didn’t meet a black woman in my age group until two years after my diagnosis.

Dawn and I were diagnosed with MS a long time ago (in the age of ABC drugs) -- way before social media really became "a thing". That being said, there was essentially no Black representation of people with MS. There was Richard Pryor (who wasn't really visible in the MS community) and then we have "the default" -- Montel Williams (that's another story; I think the lack of representation especially as it relates to black men with MS is what inspired us to do our "Beyond Montel: Black Men and MS" series last season 2). So no, there was no place that you could really look and find people who look like us with MS community. Especially as Black women in our early 20s.

While representation is still severely and painfully limited I think the representation of Black people that we do see are people who are relatively new and their diagnoses, and whose diseases are relatively quiet. That can be problematic, because it silences the voices of people who have stories that might be scary or not is palatable to people. We need to be acknowledging the stories of all Black people with MS -- not just people who make you less fearful of the disease. We all have stories to tell. Our lives are just as dope.

Can you speak on the discrepancies in research for Black Persons with MS?
We talked a little bit about this with Dr. Mitzi Joi Williams in episode 49 of our podcast, but I think it's really important to focus on research specifically relating to African-Americans, as we're the demographic being diagnosed at the highest rate, proportionally here in the US. But, it's also important that researchers acknowledge the fact that Black people in the United States have a very precarious and complicated history with the medical profession as it relates to research; this needs to be acknowledged. This may play a part in influencing participation. We had a really interesting conversation with Lauren and Victoria from "We Are Ill" about this issue in Episode 62 of our podcast (which starts streaming at the end of this month).



go listen to their podcast!!! found here: http://myelinandmelanin.com/podcast/


What needs to happen for the future to be more inclusive? Where/how do we start?
In order for the MS community, or for the future to be more inclusive, I think it is important for people to consciously seek out stories that are more diverse. We live in a euro normative society so it's important that we are intentional about the stories that we seek out.

People should not avoid listening to stories that might make them feel uncomfortable. Whether it be people who have different life experiences, people who look different, or people at a level of disability than you -- levels that makes you uncomfortable. It important to listen to all stories.

I think that it is important to be aware the fact that Black people are not a monolith. A lot of time, the representation that we do see is very limited. It's important that we acknowledge, represent and amplify the stories of Black people at all stages of MS -- people who symptoms are invisible all the way to people whose symptoms can no longer be hidden (which can elicit fear, and that are not palatable to some people). We all have stories to tell. Our stories are dope.

What's 3 things that MS Organizations, such as the NMSS, can do to help this issue in the community?
First, I think it's important to have open honest and frank discussions about race, racism, and representation--no matter how uncomfortable that might make people.

Secondly, I think that organizations need to be conscious about avoiding tokenism. Lately in the "inclusive" (albeit limited) MS literature/marketing, we see the same Black faces. They almost serve as tokens in the Black MS community; that's problematic. Organizations need to be more intentional about seeking out different people (within the MS community) dealing with MS. Especially people whose stories might be complicated and complex (not just the newly diagnosed with invisible symptoms). Black people with MS are not a monolith.

Additionally, we feel that in order to better understand our point of view, collaborative efforts should be put in place. Being able to communicate our efforts on this journey, accomplishments, and personal stories are equally as important to the community. Continuous open dialogue (with a diverse group of Black MSers) would certainly open the door and provide a pathway towards inclusion. Also, Black MS does not begin and end in February (Black history month) – our stories should be amplified ALL YEAR.

What is something that people with MS should take away from all this?
We appreciate having this conversation, and feel there are many positive takeaways that will come from this conversation.

It’s important that MS organizations along with the community collaborate with Black voices that are often unheard. Also, actively seeking out the stories of black people with MS is beneficial to the community. It brings us together and displays a united front. We are in this fight and we too, which brings us to our final takeaway; inclusion.



You can follow Dawn and Daana on instagram @myelinemelanin and their webpage is: http://myelinandmelanin.com/podcast/

Friday, May 17, 2019

We're Cool for the Summer - Koldtec Ice Towels

It's no secret that I have an obsession with Koldtec ice towels.  





In fact, it is my personal goal to help every person on instagram that has MS or heat sensitivity to at least hear of Koldtec by the end of the summer.  I believe in the product that highly. 

And Koldtec loves our community. 

The partnership is really great.

In honor of summer and the heat, koldtec and I are doing a summer of kool.  



On the first of each month from May through September I will be hosting a giveaway for a Koldtec towel bundle.  Entering is, as always, super easy.  Keeping it basic over here.

In addition, Koldtec has provided me with two codes specifically for my friends.

code SPARKLEDICE5 is for the ice towel found here.  The code will provide $5 off, a bonus ice strip, and free shipping for USA and Canada (they ship elsewhere for a small fee!).  Direct url: https://www.koldtec.com/discount/SPARKLEDICE5

code SPARKLEDICE14 is for the ice towel bundle found here.  The code will provide $14 off, a bonus ice strip, and free shipping for USA and Canada (again, they ship elsewhere for a small fee). Direct link: https://www.koldtec.com/discount/SPARKLEDICE14

I do have a video on my IGTV on my instagram (@thesparkledlife) with more information and how it works.  



Basically Koldtec ice towels are a bamboo sport towel that you insert specially made engineered ice strips in to.  It isnt wet and each strip of ice lasts 45 minutes - 1 hour.  (I use these on my bicycle rides and legit, I can be sweating and the ice strip will last me 1 hour!!).  The contained the towel and the strips come in works as an insulator so you can take the bonus ice strips on the road with you.  



It's perfect for any occasion - I even used it getting ready for my wedding!  



Stay tuned for more koolness and I hope you have as much fun as I do being chill!

Love, Eliz

Sunday, October 14, 2018

IVIG and MS - Plasma for one

I recently had an IVIG infusion and got a lot of questions about what IVIG is and how it is used in relation to Multiple Sclerosis.

Great questions. 

I'm not entirely savvy on IVIG usage medically, but I can give a non-technical little overview.  With the help of google and some medical documents of course.

So first, why we choose to use IVIG.  In my DMD history I've used Rebif, Tysabri, Tecfidera, and Rituxan.  I have also used Plasmapheresis as a treatment.  Rituxan was my latest DMD and I really did give it a good try.  My body has a hard time with all drugs but rituxan, damn, it was brutal.  Quality of life was not worth it.  And, we couldnt confirm if it was or was not working.  It was an easy decision for me to be like "no thank you, no more".

I went with no DMD medicine or treatments for 10 months and though I wouldve loved to go further, my doctors advised me to consider a treatment.  I agreed.


I received IVIG at my MS clinic's infusion center at a hospital in downtown Pittsburgh.  The nurses were fabulous and got a IV line in one try. I love nurses!

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

My Advice for Those Living With Multiple Sclerosis

Back in June I worked with Healthline to film a few videos.  One of the videos we did was my advice to those living with multiple sclerosis, especially those recently diagnosed.

This is the finished product.



Click here for final video.


Monday, September 24, 2018

My Teeth be Shining! - Smile Brilliant Collaboration

Use code thesparkledlife to receive 15% off!!

Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 6 years ago, I have found a new appreciation for my teeth.



Why?

Because they are the ONLY part of my body that is still working, functioning, and looking babe. (:

So I take good care of my teeth.  Whitening my teeth has always been something I've done before a big event or just to give myself a little self-care love.  I've used teeth whitening gels from CVS and more often, crests whitening strips - both of which I loved. 

However, they couldnt get all my teeth.  My teeth are very "smushed" and I want every nook and cranny of my teeth to me the same-ish color.  I dont ask for much. (:

So when Smile Brilliant reached out to me for a collaboration, I was 100% on board.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Ice Ice Baby - Koldtec Cold Towel

(for the month of August, Koldtec (https://www.koldtec.com/) has given me a promo code for friends and family - SPARKLE16 - for $10 off, an extra strip of ice (worth $6), and free shipping Canada and USA)



So with Multiple Sclerosis, heat is no bueno.  Absolutely not good.  It's called Uhthoff's Phenomenon (please dont ask for how to pronounce that word) and it's something that we learn how to manage quickly.

Uhthoff's Phenomenon is when someone with MS overheats; the overheating then causes a worsening of symptoms.  It literally just feels like your body is shutting down; my vision goes, my legs go, my arms go, my speech goes.  It takes a few hours to a few days to rest and recover.  It's a bitch.

There are a few ways to prevent this: stay inside (: or stay cool.  I like more the stay cool techniques as I love summer and being outside.  So for six years I have lived off of ice packs, usually being as classy as can be and stuffing them down my pants and up my shirts.

Then, I met the company Koldtec (https://www.koldtec.com/).  We connected over instagram - they noticed my love for ice and I noticed they had ice.  Oh baby.



Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Pittsburgh Marathon 2018

So a few months ago I heard about the opportunity to partake in the Pittsburgh Marathon hand-cycling division in a recumbent bicycle.  I had to get a lot of notes from doctors and petition the board but they granted me access!!!




But why cycle the Pittsburgh Marathon?  Because MS says I cant run.  "Tell me I cant and I'll show you I can".  I cant RUN a marathon but I sure as well can CYCLE a marathon.

Picture by Empty Nest Photography Studio

So thats what I did. (:

Two weeks before the marathon, the local news station did an interview with me and named me "Athlete of the Week" which was pretty awesome.


To watch, visit here: http://www.wtae.com/article/action-athlete-cycling-the-pittsburgh-marathon/20090659

Leading up to the marathon I ended up with a kidney infection and overheating.  I was so nervous that all my hard work in prepping for this event would be for not.

But I finished that marathon.  And, even more fun, came in first in the female wheeler division. (:



Despite limitations, living limitlessly over here!!




LOVE!!

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Multiple Sclerosis Influencers

Healthline recently posted an amazing article recently highlighting 7 MS influencers with their mantras that keep them going.

And I had the pleasure of being one of the 7!


Be sure to share what your MS mantra is! 


Monday, March 12, 2018

this is MS tshirt


(picture by Empty Nest Studios)
damn right it is!!

Get your "this is ms" t-shirt and wear it with pride. Let the world know what MS really looks like. 


Comes in a regular mens t-shirt too! https://skreened.com/thesparkledlife/this-is-ms-6492956



hear I am fashionably wearing it during my last chemo drug infusion (:


Wednesday, October 25, 2017

MRI's - tips and tricks for the chamber

MRI - a torture chamber for multiple sclerosis patients.

Just kidding.  Kind of.

Technically, a MRI is a chamber tube that uses magnetic fields and radio waves to develop a picture of a human's insides.  MRI's of the brain, cervical spine, and thoracic spine (brain, neck and back) are taken at various times with MS patients to look specifically at the central nervous system.  For those with MS, MRI's will show white spots that indicate a lesion.  These white spots, lesions, are places of the nervous system that have been damaged.  (Basically....)




MRI's are not only used as a diagnostic tool for multiple sclerosis, but also as a tool to determine the progression of the disease.  If a patient is presenting new or increased symptoms, a MRI will usually be ordered to determine if there is activity present.  

Here's how the MRI actually works:

Friday, April 24, 2015

The New Friday Night

I have no idea what to blog about.  

I've thought about a few topics: why I blog, drug research, adaptive lifestyle, pooping (but really this is an important topic in the MS community that no one really talks about.  Don't worry - I will eventually).

It's a Friday night - I really should be primping and getting ready for a night out.  Because that is what people my age do on Fridays- they go out.  They have fun.  They socialize.  

You know what I'm doing?  Im sitting in my recliner, already in my pjs, about to get in bed with netflix.  

And in a bit I'll hop in my wheelchair and maybe make an ice cream.

Oh yes, did I mention I'm in a wheelchair?  Like full time?



Monday, March 30, 2015

The Friday I Coded

And there I was again...being rushed through the back hallways of a hospital by a concerned party, someone silently whispering "it's going to be ok", me doing my hardest to keep my head up, my mom trying her best to carry our collection of purses and coats and keep up.  

I had been here before - many times in fact.  Almost my entire MS journey has been a collective case of re-active catch-ups, instead of pro-active solutions.  I'm always one step behind where I should be, sometimes five, trying my best to catch-up.  

I woke up last Friday semi-excited (and ridiculously early).  I was going on an adventure to the hospital to receive a new drug (a cancer chemo type that some have had luck with "weird" MS cases).  There was hope in this drug and the side effects, though not cute, were limited compared to some of the drugs I have had prior.  Or so I had been reassured prior.  

It was going to be a long infusion - 6-8 hours.  We arrived at the hospital early and ready; I even wore a new sweater for good luck.  



I had my own little private room for the infusion and we settled in pretty nicely - they even warmed their blankets at this hospital!  I started out with the pre-drug drugs to help eliminate the side effects.  They got a stick on the first try and an hour later they had started the infusion. 

15 minutes in I looked to my mom, expressing that I wasn't exactly feeling right.  I had been warned of the side effects and that they start as soon as the drug hits the blood stream; in typical fashion, I sort of shrugged it off.  

Except the feeling was getting worse.  To distract myself, I decided I'd download an audiobook to listen to while the time passed.  And that's the last concrete thought I remember.  

The nurse had come in to check and I expressed that I wasn't feeling so well.  What "feeling so well" meant was that I was feeling pressure in my chest, confusion, weakness.  

One minute I'm looking at the nurse trying to explain how I'm feeling and the next thing I know my mom is gone, I'm surrounded by 13 or so people asking me questions, all with that concern look on their face.

I was coded.  



It was probably a bit dramatic for the situation (but to be fair, better safe than sorry).  My mom filled me in on the details later - they escorted her back to the waiting room, Code C being broadcasted throughout the hospital, a counselor finding her to sit with her and make sure she was ok.  

Hey mom, what if it really was just an early April Fools joke?  Did I get you? (:

After my vitals were brought to a stable enough point, I was transferred to the ER.  From there I was admitted.  The pain was some of the worst pain I have ever experienced.  I consider myself having a high pain tolerance which only furthered my concern - if it hurt this bad, what the heck was going on?  


This picture is so gross - but shows what a difference an hour makes huh? (:


I got to do all the tests, all the great hospital things that come with being admitted, and I had a room with a view.  The nurses were empathetic and the doctors in search of answers.  

And yet again, none were really found. 

It's a little terrifying to go through some of the worst pain of your life, location - chest, and not know why.  

Today as I was driving back from the neurologist's office, I thought how easy it could be to just become overwhelmed with being upset. To be frustrated.  To be mad.  To be angry.  Those feelings are there, suppressed on some level.  I told myself that it would not be irrational to express them - I deserved to be all of these things.  I thought how I could use the MS trump card to anyone who complained and how I could clear my conscious with the same.  

Then a little question stirred up inside: "Why?".  Yeah, I had earned the right to be upset and frustrated.  But why should I fall in to that?  What good would come of it?  Would it make my happy?  Would it make those around me happy? 

Would it help the situation?

I'm a Catholic and this week is what we call Holy Week - a week to recognize the death of Jesus Christ and His resurrection.  

One of my favorite stories of Jesus is when He is in the Garden of Gethsemane   He knows what is coming - He is going to be crucified on a cross.  It's a gruesome and ugly death.  And we find Him in a garden, overcome by it all.  Not just overcome, but actually begging God to make it not be.  "Let this cup pass...".  Jesus was pretty tight with the big man upstairs, he had performed many miracles, in fact he rose a guy from the dead a few weeks prior to this.  He was strong.  

And yet He cried because of the suffering He had to endure.  He was upset.  He asked for it to all go away.  

This is the thought that runs through my head often.  If the Son of God fell in despair because of suffering, then how can I blame me for not wanting to do the same?  

But you know what happens after He cried?  He got back up and completes the sentence "....but your will be done".  And then He goes and carries his cross.  And yes, He dies.  But then He is resurrected - He comes back to life, except to a life with no pain and only glory.  

So I'm going to try my best to keep my head up through all the frustrations.  Mostly because I like being happy.  Mostly because I think life is too short to be cranky.  Mostly because I really like laughing.  But mostly because I look forward to following in the steps of Jesus - I've heard heaven is a really cool place and would love to make it. 

Here's to trying again - because I'm not going to have a little incident keep me down.  







If you find yourself in a little bit of a hole in life, do not be discouraged.  I may play it down or express how easy it is to not be in that hole, but I know this is not the case for some.  If you ever need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to reach out.  And never get mad at yourself for being upset - if Jesus did it, I think it's ok if you did too.  Just remember how beautiful it can be if you get up after.  You are not alone!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I Hope You Dance

Life is very similar to driving a car on a highway.  You have those days where you're breezing along, windows down, radio up, just loving life.  

And then for some of us, a pot-hole comes along.  And try as you may, you hit it.  Sometimes the damage isn't too bad, you can keep going.  Sometimes, it rips the tire and you just need a spare.  And sometimes it knocks off the whole alignment of the car and you end up stuck on the side of the road, waiting.  

My story is the stuck version - one day I was doing all the things a normal 26 year old does and the next I was uprooting my life and moving back in with my parents.  With a walker.  My career stopped, my relationship stopped, some friendships stopped, my dreams stopped, my growing closet stopped.  My life was put at the side of the road.  Thanks to a pot-hole.

And now I find myself a step further behind - in a wheelchair.  Some days not leaving bed.  Some days in the hospital.  For two months I didn't leave the house except for medical visits.  It's like now I'm not only stopped on the side of the road but it's snowing and cold and scary and dark and AAA isn't answering.  

Meanwhile, everyone else's life is moving on.  People are getting married, moving the career ladder, having parties, traveling the world, making babies.  And I'm here like "wow I showered today!". 

The hardest reality of this is coming to terms that in order for others to keep living, it sometimes means without me.   

You see me on the side of the road, broken down.  But yet you have life ahead and a time crunch pressing your engine.  Sometimes you just can't stop.  

I want to be mad at you; I want to be furious that you saw me at the side of the road and kept on driving.  I want to be mad that your car works, that you somehow missed that pot-hole.  I want to be in your warm car, dancing to the radio, going to wherever your next stop is.  

And yet, I'm stuck on the side of the road of life.  

I selfishly fear that I'll become forgotten.  I'll cross through your mind occasionally and you'll think of our good times, just as you pass me by on the road.  You'll go on with life.  Just without me.  



I feel like this is the part of the post where I insert the song "I hope you dance".  Because I truly do - I hope you dance, you live, you smile, you experience, you have fun.  I'm glad you missed that pot-hole, I'm glad your car is still working.  I hope it continues for many more stops.  And if you do hit a bump, I hope it only requires a spare tire and you can keep on going.  

I want you to keep living.

I just wish I could keep up and be there to do it with you.  

Friday, March 6, 2015

10 Basic Things Not Commonly Known About MS

In honor of MS Awareness Week, I thought I would share some basic things not commonly known about Multiple Sclerosis. 

10 basic things to be exact. 




1.  Along with the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis comes a MS trump card.  The card allows the person with MS the honor of trump on any item of their choosing.  

Some situations in which it can be used: when it is time to perform any chore, when trying to get out of a blind date, gaining access to great concert tickets, getting out of a speeding ticket, for those days when the mood is a little bitchy.

2. While there is not cure for MS, there are a lot of magic tricks to try i.e.: crazy diets, hyperbaric chambers, supplements, bee venom. 

Some of these works, some of these do not.  It is suggested to try each and every one that your friends from high school/college/work/church/post office send you.  Because they obviously know best; they googled it.

3. A very common but unknown side effect of Multiple Sclerosis is saying bad words.  There is no explanation as to why this happens but it does.  If anyone complains about this, see #1. 

4. MS causes people to leave.  You will lose friendships, you might lose that guy you love.  MS is not for the weak of heart.  If they are not strong enough for this journey, wish them the best and keep on moving.

5. MS will cause people to support and love you more than you thought possible.  It will strengthen relationships.  It will turn strangers into friends.  It will turn friends into family.  

6.  You will become beyond tired by doing the simplest task, like taking a shower.  Yet some nights you won't be able to sleep.  Your body will become a walking oxymoron.  It's cute. 

7. Your vanity will go out the window.  After spending weeks in a hospital, you really won't care who sees you au naturel.  You'll try your hardest to keep your hair cut and dyed, your eyebrows done, your nails did.  But you'll have no problem going to the doctors in your pjs with no bra.  Because, MS.

8. If you webmd your symptoms or side effects of a drug, you will get the result of "death".  Do not be alarmed - webmd is designed by these little elves that think it's a great joke to put this as a last resort on all symptoms / side-effects.  Breath.  

Unless you are really dying, then call your doctor.  

9. MS will test you in all areas - emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.  When you survive these tests, reward yourself with fro-yo or french fries.  You're on your way to becoming a super hero.

10. You will gain a new perspective on life.  You will actually take time to appreciate the sunsets because you know they are limited.   You will get lots of scars and be proud of each one for they tell a part of your story - a story that is beautiful.  

MS will change your life and if you're lucky, it will make you a better person for it.  

Celebrate the change and hope for the strength to endure it.

Best of luck!!!! <3

Monday, February 16, 2015

11 Things Not to Say to Someone with MS...and What to Say Instead

1. "You look so good!"  

"I know right?!?"  This one used to bug me a lot.  I know it's shocking that someone so sick could look this fabulous, but do we have to put it right out there that you expected me to look horrible?  Granted, some days I really do look awful.  And some days, I look like a normal person.  What isn't helping is your proclamation of shock.  



What to say instead: if I really do look great, comment.  Otherwise keep the shock to yourself.  Ask about what beauty products I use to keep the gray skin and dark circles away.  Or, take the route my Daddy takes: "You look like shit today".  Why thank you. (I love it.) 

2.  "My mother's best friend's sister-in-law's cousin's roommate in college had MS........"  
'
This is in itself a harmless thing to say - it's a connecting communication statement (we as humans always want to connect and will try and find that common dominator anywhere).  However, every situation with MS is different.  MS is known as the snowflake disease - no two cases are the same (so annoying).  

When this is said to me I find it very difficult because I not only have a snowflake of this disease, I have the whole freaking blizzard.  So while I always want to connect with other MSers, please don't think it is the same.  Because most likely, it is very very different.

What to say instead: "I know someone who has MS.  Their MS story was like this - how does that differ from yours?  Also, would you want to connect?"

3. "How are you?"  

I wish that we could ban this question from all humanity - it's so #basic.  I honestly and truly don't know how to answer it.  In late I've just been keeping it brief: "My legs don't work but my spirits are high.  How are you?"  This makes me feel that you really don't care to know the answer, but feel obligated to inquire. 

What to say instead: be specific.  "Have you read anything fun lately?"  "OMG did you see Kelsey on the Bachelor?"  "What are your highs and lows of the day?"  "Want a starbucks?"



4. "I have a cold and am stuck in bed and it made me think of you because this is what you feel like." 

Nope - not exactly.  I appreciate the sentiment.  And I am really sorry you're sick.  But that is not what I feel like...at all.  

What to say instead: I still want to hear your lows; don't hide them.  I'm also not discounting them because they are not be as low as others.  However, "I have a cold and am stuck in bed and it sucks!!" works a lot better.  Instead of saying you have a whole pie of my life, you have a slice.  And it tastes awful and you're sympathetic.

5. "It must be so nice to lie in bed all day / not work full time / stay in your pjs / not be a functioning adult."  

Oh my gosh it's the funnest!!!  

What to say instead:  "I'm really jealous of your life and want to trade you."  PLEASE LET'S!!!

6. "Have you heard about this diet/supplement/oil/exercise/miracle mantra?  Have you heard about Terry Wahls?  This will heal you!!!!"  

So, just in case you didn't know, I'm a google freak - I google everything.  I also am kind of smart.  Put the two together and you can be sure that I've read/studied/discussed everything there is to know about multiple sclerosis (and if I haven't, my mom has).  When I hear this I think two things: thanks for thinking I don't know my disease and, are you judging me? (that if I just ate something different I wouldn't be so sick and thus am so sick because I'm not eating something different.  It's really as simple as it sounds right?).  

Let's be clear on something: there is little to no proven scientific knowledge about MS and connecting factors (besides Vitamin D...take your Vitamin D!!!).  There is a lot of progress in various areas but none are 100%.  

Yes, I know who Terry Wahls is.  Yes, I know that she was in a wheelchair and 9 months later was able to ride a bicycle for 13 or so miles after changing her diet.  (Sounds like a familiar story....).  I've watched almost all her youtube videos and have read her research.  I even inquired about participating in one of her studies at the University of Iowa (I didn't qualify...which is just one of the reasons why I find her studies puzzling).  



I am not doubting that diet has something to do with quality of life.  It has a direct correlation and I have made changes to my diet that hopefully enhance my life and my bodies ability to care for itself.   I also enjoy talking about health a lot - it's a very common theme in my life.   

However, a diet will not cure me.  It didn't cure Terry Wahls.  Anyone who claims that a diet/supplement/etc has cured them either didn't have MS or is in remission.  I am excited for them that they reached a good spot.  But don't throw your magic wands in the air and call it a cure. 

What to say instead: "I found this interesting article - have you seen it?  What are your thoughts?"  "Want some french fries?"


7. "What can I do for you?"  

This is a hard one to answer only because I have high pride levels - I don't like being in situations where I have to ask other people to do things for me.  Even though I wrote a post on how you can help, I still have a hard time approaching this when asked up front. 

What to say instead:  If you were in my position, what would you wish people did for you?  Then do that.  I will guarantee I will love it.  Plus it will show me how you like to be loved.  

Or..."What's your starbucks drink today?"

8.  "I had the worst day ever!  I was late to work, I spilled my coffee on a new shirt, I just couldnt even at work, and then got a parking ticket!!!"  

Honest reaction?  "Suck it up princess!!!"

This goes with #4; again, I want to hear your lows.  Don't hide them - but have a little perspective.

You spilled your coffee, my legs aren't working.  



What to say instead: well, to be honest, I have little sympathy for #firstworldproblem comments.  However, if you must: "I had a really bad day and these are the reasons why: xyz.  But then I got some fro-yo and got over it."  Gold star!!

9. "I want to help you...so what I'm thinking is you send an invite to all your friends and family to promote my business endeavor and I'll donate 25% of the proceeds to you."  

Compliments for seeing the business opportunity to pimp out my disease - props. 

But no.  I'm not going to bother my friends and family with the burden of a Thirty-One bag party so you can reach your monthly numbers.  I'm sure your intentions are good - but again, no.

What to say instead: just don't.

10.  "I'm praying for you".  

When did Facebook comments become a way of prayer?  Did God get Facebook and I missed it?!?

Joking aside, I know a lot of people really do pray for me and I appreciate it so much - the prayers are really what gets me through.  Thank you. 

But it doesn't count that you wrote it unless you pray it.  I'll be holding you to those prayers if you say you are going to.  

There's also the old age line: actions speak louder than words.  Dropping a prayer is great but what about making a trip to the hospital to visit the sick?  Do not fall short!  

What to say instead: It really is an endearing sentiment and I don't want you to stop saying.  Just mean it.  And do more if you are able.  

11.  "......"  

Ignore all the above...I'd rather hear any of it than nothing.  I'm alive - let's celebrate!  Please don't give up on this yet. 



What to say instead: Anything!  I really do appreciate all the words you have to say.  

And if you happen to say something that's just stupid/odd/weird/annoying, you'll just give me motivation to write "Things Not to Say to Someone with MS numero dos".  Everyone loves a sequel - bring it!





Tuesday, February 10, 2015

MS Doesn't Care

MS doesn't care that I had a great time in Boston spending NYE with one of my best friends.



MS doesn't care that I spent a wonderful normal day with my whole family.


We're so normal it kills me


MS doesn't care that I was in DC for a week, engaging in the 2015 sales season as a consultant. 


The last time I had used this mug was during rehab summers...and I used it during my week of DC fun.  Yes, I feel the irony.

MS doesn't care that I was kicking it's butt for a good couple months. 

Because a few Mondays ago I was squatting down to get something out of my closet and the next thing I know I've fallen because I have no strength in my legs. 

"Oh sh*t".  

Obviously I'm no surprise to the whole "I was walking one moment and then couldnt the next" (see my MS diagnosis story for reference).  But let me tell ya, it sure as hell does not get any easier.

After the suggested 24-72 hours before contacting the neurologist/specialist (ok for real I gave it 9 days...I was hoping it was just a fluke.  A girl can wish right?), I headed to the office in hopes of finding answers. 


Can we just take a second?  I mean really, the above pictures were taken a week or two prior...and now I'm stuck in a wheelchair.  Whatttt...I just "can't even".

So what's going on is my legs have no strength  - it's a mix of ataxia, tremors, spasticity, and paralysis.  That last word is key, because I've had all those others before - it's this weakness, this lack of any strength in my legs that is so rude right now.  And then we have my arms/hands - some of the same.  The odd thing about this whole experience is my voice is not affected (in the past when I had these symptoms, dysarthria always accompanied it).  While it's a good thing (I can speak!!!), it also showed a level of concern that this is possibly a different lesion. 

There were three possibilities of what was going on : a pseudo-relapse (when symptoms flare due to stress or some environmental factor), a re-activation of an old lesion, or a new lesion.  Those are stated in the order of severity, less to more, meaning we were hoping for the first. 

I got to spend some lovely time in the MRI (I mean, we're basically bffs by now). 

And because technology is so cool (!!!), I heard from my specialist that evening: it was a new lesion.  

"Oh sh*t" again.

Now I'm no stranger to new lesions...I mean this summer I had three new ones - nbd.  

What's different about this is where it is - I have a nasty lesion in the back of my brain that has caused all sorts of ruckus (basically what kept me in the hospital for more weeks than I'd like to admit).  And this one is guess where?  Right next door. 

YES!  

Though we have a plan of action, it has yet to really take place.  The collective "we" (myself, the fam, the doctors, the specialists) believe the best place for me is home.  Which is great for me because I can be in my comfort and with my puppies and can have the help of/boss around my bros and parents. (Have I mentioned how awesome my family is?)

But it sucks a tad too because I feel some people only take things serious if you're in a hospital.  Like, well, I must not be that sick because Im at home. 

No love, I'm actually so sick that the hospital is the worst place for me.  

I know, it doesn't make sense to me most days either.

So my lovely family has been making our house as wheelchair friendly as possible.  Where as before I could get around the house with the help of my arm crutches, I'm not so lucky this time.  And the conversations we have, oh its humorous (like which 28 year old talks about chair stair lifts with their parents, for their own use?!?  And yes, when we get it installed you can test it out). 

While I wait I've been trying to keep busy and have had some lovely visitors. 


My lovely gf and neighbor, the newlywed Holly.  


An old-time friend and classic, Caroline, who helped me with the whole hair situation (holding a curling iron is kind of a hazard at this time).


The twin bro's had their SnowBall dance this weekend...dont they just look so handsome?  



I'm thankful that even though life literally got swiped out from under me again, I have the strength to get through this too.  

My legs don't work but my spirits are high.  

I'm asked often how I "deal".  

Good music, a puppy, and Starbucks.  Oh and the Lord.  (:

For real, I'll be the first to admit that there are moments where I just let it go.  It can be something so small (one day I got stuck in a doorway) and you'll be flushed by the words that come out of my mouth.  Somedays I wake up and the first words I say are "this suckssssssss".  

Then I laugh.  Because what else can I do?  

That's how I deal.  I could sulk, I could shut everyone out.  I could just lie in bed and pity myself to the point of despair.  

But guys, it's just a wheelchair.  It's just a lack of arm strength.  It's just an upside down reality. 

But really, it's just that.  

I still have love, I still have laughter, I still have my puppies and family and friends.  I still have sparkle.  I still have hope. 

Hope in what I'm not exactly sure - I'm really out of options at this point.  A cure seems way too far out and the drugs that come out have such high risks associated that it's hard to justify.  

I believe my hope remains in being able to face this tragedy with a smile.  And a kiss.  And maybe the princess, Miss America Wave.  

Or the middle finger depending on the day. 

I stay the course because I believe it will lead me to something wonderful.  

Meanwhile, I'll just keep sipping this starbucks. 

Waving from the wheelie, Eliz

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

My MS Diagnosis Story

I've been meaning to write about this for, well, 2 and a half years.

But every time I sat down to journal/blog it out, I just couldnt.  It's like a nightmare, a nightmare that changed my whole life.  A nightmare that is very much real.

What is common with a MS diagnosis (according to word of mouth and wikipedia), is that a person usually goes through months, years, of strange symptoms while they travel in and out of the doctors hoping for an answer.

For me, it happened overnight.

See why I still think it's an awful nightmare? (:

The day was a Wednesday, March 21, 2012.  I had to be at the office at 7am for a meeting that I ran for our business department.

Prior to this day I was "normal", normal being up for definition. (:  I had graduated undergrad a year early to start my career, had worked as an Admissions counselor, received my MBA, and was currently the Business Development Manager of a technology company.

I had moved to dc a year prior to pursue my ever dream of living in my favorite city/the nation's capital.  Sputnik and I had a very cute apartment, I had the fun vintage-y sports car, I had the closet full of beautiful shoes, the batman, the friends.  My career and life was blooming.

I was 25 and yet I had "made it".  Granted I had additional ambitions but I had achieved so much more than I thought possible by that age.

I tell this portion to help paint a picture of the then vs. now.  I also share because even though I have lost so much, I can look back and say "shoot, look what you did girl.  You killed it".

Then I woke up that Wednesday.  I had a friend visiting from California and she was going to take me to work that day so she could use my car to explore.  As we're getting ready I tell her worryingly that I can't really feel my legs.  nbd.  But shook it off because hell, I had a meeting to run.

Once at work I started to realize that walking was extremely difficult.  Which didn't make sense as walking should be just as easy as breathing (oh how much I have learned!).  I worked through the various meetings, pushing the thoughts out of my mind, and trying not to walk anywhere.

It was around 11am when I was in a meeting, training one of the new hires.  I must have seemed so crazy as I stopped the meeting mid-sentence and said something to the effect of "Im sorry, can we continue this later?  I need to go to the ER."

Yeah, that happened.   Brb.

My friend came and picked me up, a little confused on the happenings.  She asked me to take her to the metro to go visit the city. And then I went to the hospital.

I sat outside the doors for probably two hours, watching as people went in and out.  For some reason I knew - it was all going to change.

Of course I denied it.  I kept telling those worried (i.e. parents, friends, batman) that it was just an infection, I'd get some anti-biotics and then I'd be fine!

I stumbled (by this time my legs were gone) in to the ER.  Just a  few days prior I was walking around like no big thing, in heels, strutting.  And now I couldnt.

It was my first real hospital visit (had I mentioned, besides two stitches accidents as a child, I had no physical problems in life?).  I explained what was going on and with immediate turn around they had me hooked up, taking blood, etc.

It was a princess treatment (they were terrified for me).

My nurse came in and said that they were going to admit me; to which I responded - "does this mean I get to go home soon?".  She smiled, sighed, and firmly said no- it was going to be a while.

Oh how naive I was.  I was still thinking at this point that it was just an infection, can I have my antibiotics now?

They admitted me to the heart unit because the numbness was traveling up my body at a very fast rate and they were concerned for my heart.  I was sent for my first MRI of my brain, neck, and spine - a full 3 hour MRI.

I remember my legs hurting so bad and not being able to "feel" them at all.  The person administering the MRI kept telling me to "stop dancing" but I didn't even know I was moving my legs.  It was in that first MRI that it hit me that everything was changing.  I started to cry, slightly, as not to move in the claustrophobic chambers (if you've never had a MRI, pray you never have to! 21 later and I promise, they do not get easier).

By the time I got back to my room, the batman was there.  He had drove down from Philly and his face answered all the questions I had inside - this was serious.  I called my parents and said we didn't have any answers, not to travel to dc yet, stand by, I'll hopefully have more information soon.

A good friend I worked with came and visited and to help with Sputnik (the poor puppy...he had no idea!).  I remember telling her some items to help with getting through work the next day, reassuring myself that I'd be back.

I never came back.

It was 10:30pm.  I was tired - we all were.  It had been a long day.  Batman was helping me get ready for bed (by this point I couldnt walk without any assistance) when a nurse came in with a phone.  "It's the neurologist" she said as she handed it to me.

"Hi this is Dr. Neurologist.  I just looked over your MRI...you have 6-8 lesions on your brain, neck, and spine.  We will run some more tests tomorrow but I am pretty confident in diagnosing you with multiple sclerosis.  Have a good night!"

Side note: you only need two lesions to be diagnosed with MS.  Apparently I had had MS for a while - who knew!  Don't worry - this is still a perplexing question we had yet to answer today.

At first I was happy to receive this news because it was a diagnosis!  The past 24 hours had been crazy and I could do MS.  I had known people with - didn't look too challenging (hah).  Batman and I sat up for a few hours googling things on the iPad, both re-assuring each other that this was actually good - manageable.

Shows how much we knew about MS right?  I should probably admit at this time that I actually had no idea how to even spell multiple sclerosis.  Now I could win any spelling bee with those two words.

The next day I went for a lumbar puncture (being that this was a tech savvy hospital - they had a robot helping to make the puncture.  My suggestion - always go manual.  Ive had three lumbar punctures done and the robot one was THE WORST by far.  I ended up have a spinal headache, getting a blood patch procedure done to fix the hole, and they got blood in the samples.  Don't do the robot).

Preliminary results came back further confirming the MS diagnosis.  I was lying flat (as per suggestions from the lumbar puncture - much help it did me), surrounded by my sister and the batman when the neurologist told me.  I could tell in his eyes that he knew.  He saw the future that I would end up having.  It was a face of sadness and pity - the type doctors get when the know but don't fully express.  I had no idea what he was actually thinking but that look on his face was enough to scare me.

My sister went and called my parents who dropped everything to come be with me (have I mentioned how awesome my parents are?).  I remember the nurses gave me something for the pain and made a joking comment to my sister "If you've ever wanted to know something from her, give this medicine 5 minutes to work and she'll be as open as a book."

That was the last time I felt no pain.

I spent 5 days in that room (it was a luxury suite - not as good as my princess rehab suite but pretty nice).  I was given a walker to help and it was suggested to move back to Pittsburgh to heal (I lived on the third floor walk-up in dc).  My last day there I remember asking the resident neurologist for a medical note for work as I'd be missing two weeks (gasp).  She gave me this look that at the time I thought was judging...now I look back and realize that she knew I was never going back.

Some things you go through and you think to yourself, possibly even while laughing, "goodness, it can't get worse than this."

That crazy first week - I thought just that.  We all did.  This would be the hardest part of my MS journey.

Little did I know that would be the easiest.

I look at this picture of me in the hospital bed during this time and that smile.  My smile now looks aged 100 years by the scars, by the pain, by the issues, by this journey.



No doctor has ever been able to explain to me why it happened so fast.

No doctor has been able to explain why it's so aggressive, severe.

Why I don't respond to medications or why I have this parkinson' thing or any of the xyz questions that have come up in the past 2.5 years.

Doctor's don't always hold the answers.

It still seems like a dream some days.  I wake up in the morning and those first 5 seconds of morning glory, I forget everything.  And then I remember.

And while I want to keep defining it as a nightmare, I know I have to accept it as life.  And this crazy sparkled life is beautiful.  It really is.

The whole event so far has taught me a lot about life.  It's taught me how to be a better person, how to suffer, how to love, how to hope.

And it's a living witness that everything can change in a blink of an eye.  One day you're fine and then next you can't walk.  A weekend prior I had gone and played laser tag with my brothers - now walking up a flight of stairs is war.  And guess what - I'm still ok fine sparkling.

The most moving point of the experience was the few hours I spent in my car in the ER parking lot.  It's like I was delaying it - I thought that maybe if I just sat there, all would go away.  I was scared.

And as I sat there, shrugging my shoulders and praying, I felt a calm come over me.  A calm that can only be defined as something spiritual.  A calm that helped me find the courage to stumble inside.  A calm that held my hand during the lowest of lows and has celebrated in the highs.  A calm that hasn't left my side at all during this adventure, this journey.

Sometimes I think of this moment in the third person.  I watch myself as I shake it off, climb out of my little bmw, and start the stumbling walk in to the ER.  And I hear a whisper..."it was then that I carried you".

So while so much as changed since that moment, nothing has really changed.  God provides the calm during the storm.  And when it all becomes too unbearable, He carries you.